My first trimester

Hi guys! I though I would just do a little update and just explain why I’ve been in hibernation for nearly 4 months now ! We are so so happy to be expecting again! Our new little one is due at the beginning of July and so we will have just under a 2 year age gap between our children. The first trimester hasn't been the easiest of times in either of my pregnancies so I'm just sharing what we've been up to these past few months. Many apologies  that this isn't a fluffy first pregnancy update!! 

The first trimester can be quite a dark lonely place and if you experience pregnancy symptoms which the likelihood is you will probably have some, you may not be feeling on top form, to say the least. As those first few weeks rolled by I started to get anxious of hitting 6 weeks in fear of the pregnancy symptoms kicking in. It’s hard to tell whether you will feel the same in all pregnancies or not, as everyone says they are all different so who knows how things will actually be for you this time. And pretty much 6 weeks to the day the sickness hit me like a train! 

I would love to write a really positive story of how I’ve found the first trimester, but to be honest I was far from positive and if you ask my partner I’m sure he will tell you how miserable I was. I mean it’s not surprising when you’ve vomited nearly every day for 3 months and have chronic stomach pain from dehydration, and muscle pain from being sick.. Oh and feeling like you’ve been hit with a shovel and your walking in a forever haze. Obviously a lot of it is just standard for pregnancy but bloody hell it can be awful. Don’t get me wrong the outcome is such a blessing, but personally I can’t say there is that much appealing about about those first few weeks. Give me time though, I write this at 14 weeks Still vomiting even on meds still weak still feeling like utter shite.

Surviving the first trimester sounds super dramatic , like its some quest or mission, any women who has gone through it will know just how much of a mission that time really is ! It feels like a battle of survival with the slowest timer counting down the days to potentially feeing better. I know now in both my pregnancy’s 12 weeks have come and gone and I’m left wondering when my time trial will be over. Dramatic I know but honestly there’s nothing quite like pregnancy. There’s nothing quite like being a mum, nothing quite like labour, and definitely nothing quite like the first trimester.

Throughout these first weeks, I have had to take time away from things just so I could retain what minimal energy I had to focus on Emelia. Being admitted to hospital for treatment definitely helped momentarily but my energy resources have been so limited. I had to be signed off work because vomiting once and work is bad enough. Being stuck all day in the toilets at work when I could barely even lift my head off the pillow was just not possible. Trying to explain the reasons for your prolonged illness to friends or find explanations as to why you cant attend things can also provide some difficulties!
It’s strange but there’s almost this unspoken rule not to announce pregnancy until the deemed acceptable 12 weeks. I understand people’s anxiety at announcing before then. I’ve been there with an early loss and with Emelia we kept it to just the 2 of us for the first 12 weeks. I have to say I was in quite a quiet space at that point in my life anyway. I had lost my mum 3 months prior and my friend a week before finding out. I had no hope that my pregnancy would last the turmoil of grief I was going through and so I switched off from it and pretty much remained in bed sleeping the first weeks. I was extremely ill and lost so much weight due to sickness. It was so hard not telling a single person and made it a very lonely time. This pregnancy we told a few people and the support in comparison has helped hugely, family and friends have been amazingly supportive and made the time a-lot easier. It made sense to not keep it a complete secret as i’ve had to be able to function to a certain extent for Emelia, so explaining why I wasn't always myself to people properly meant they understood, and even offered help. Emelia's been amazing though! we’ve had a lot of pj days , we made it through the worst days and anti sickness medication have definitely helped. Having your one your old mimic your retching or poking their head through your legs whilst you heave over the toilet is hardly ideal but I just think thank god she’s so little still and I know in the future I will laugh about it!

Medication has been massive lifeline, obviously doctors would prefer if you avoided, but whose going to take them if they really don’t need to. Half the time you get vile side effects from the meds too so it’s weighing up whether you’d prefer to feel like a dizzy drunk or vomit like your hungover all day. All the symptoms non of the fun !The obvious solution (you would think) would to just eat and drink of course, you’d feel so much better all round. But in reality when you have sickness that bad it’s impossible. Obviously trying to Sip plenty of water when you can can help take the edge off dehydration. Very difficult though when you are feeling so so sick. I compare trying to sip water when you feel all day nausea, like that moment on bridesmaids when they are in the wedding dress shop and she tries to eat a sugared almond , just no. Utterly horrendous .. But it does help! And when water fails ice cubes or an ice lolly or my personal favourite a freezing cold capri sun.

Fast forward a few weeks and I am on the up and glad to be entering the second trimester. My energy levels are improving and although I still have bad days sickness wise, they are not as bad as what they were, and thank goodness not every single day. I know this isn't the most positive pregnancy update (at all !!) but some parts of pregnancy are pretty grim! I am so completely grateful for the new life I am growing, and it’s so nice to finally be able to look forward to meeting them. I’m sure I will keep you all a bit more posted now and fingers crossed it will all be positive !!